The Death of the Butterflies

Taking a shower. Brushing his teeth. Putting on a brave face for others. This was all a regular routine for abuse survivor Mark Jones, whose name has been changed to protect his identity. No one was aware of the abuse that was coming from his significant other; not even him.

“Goals!” friends would yell with envy across the locker banks whenever they were together. His parents were always fond of his partner and couldn’t find any flaws. But nobody knew what their interactions were like when no one else was around.

For Mark, the person he used to lean on in times of distress became the same person causing it. The person who used to cause bubbly butterflies in his stomach became the reason for his self-doubt, low self-esteem, and nervous jitters.

“I would see this person in the halls and realize that all of a sudden, the person who I used to feel comfortable with was now the person I would do everything to avoid,” Mark said.

This was abuse.

According to Family Shelter Service, an agency that provides counseling and shelter to victims of domestic abuse in DuPage County, dating abuse can be described as “using power or control to manipulate your partner.” This can happen in straight or gay relationships. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, or a combination of all of them.

Being in an unhealthy relationship takes it’s toll. Over time, the line between who you think you are and what your abuser says you are blurs. The perplexing task all high schoolers face of identifying who they are becomes even more confusing when layers of abuse are added on top. Mark was with his partner for a couple years, equating to the majority of his high school career. In turn, his journey of finding himself became more daunting than it already was. “This person and I sort of grew into each other as people instead of growing as individuals. I didn’t really who I was without them. In retrospect, I feel kind of robbed,” Mark said.