Abuse Is Not Glamorous

Perhaps most importantly, abuse is difficult to recognize. A relationship filled with giddy first kisses and bubbly puppy love can transform into manipulation and, at its worst, violence in the blink of an eye. The charismatic twinkle of a partner can go dim.

“He knew what to say and when to say it and what to do what. He was really easy to be around. At first, it was really just perfect. The first couple months were really good and that’s what kind of sucked me into the whole relationship. Once I got deep into it, it felt impossible to get out,” Jane said.

In turn, defining dating violence can become difficult. At times, images in music, movies, and television can make abuse appear desirable and glamorize its reality.

Eminem’s 2010 hit song “Love The Way You Lie” glamorized abuse by masking an abuser’s manipulative and violent tendencies with “fiery” passion. Lyrics like “if she ever tries to leave again, I’m gonna tie her to the bed and set the house on fire” reflect the dating abuse at its worst: a victim at the angry hands of his or her manipulator. Images like these blur the lines between love and hurt, making abuse difficult to decipher. But it’s not just rap songs that glamorize abuse, glamorization lies in the attitude of the news media as well.

Stanford swimmer Brock Turner was convicted of sexual assault of an unconscious woman during his time as a swimmer at Stanford University in 2016. The victim, who wished to remain unknown, was forgotten, and was lost in the media circus. Turner and his “steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action,” as the situation was referred to in a letter written by Turner’s father, reported by the Washington Post, was the main attraction. Articles referred to him as the “Stanford Swimmer.” Photos showed him smiling with his teammates and family members. His sentence was reduced to three months.

With the media’s wall-to-wall coverage of Brock Turner, it became easy to forget about his victim. “That woman’s life is forever changed,” Nakamura said.