By Sushi Suresh

For every Asian kid, there are the age-old  questions we’ve all heard. Some of my favorites include: “Aren’t you just naturally smart?”, or “Why can’t you hang out?”, or “It’s Saturday, why are you studying?”

Despite these being stereotypes that I claim to hate, I can’t help but agree with them. The reason our households are so different is because we were raised on a set of more restrictive rules. Our parents were brought up in an older generation where they were told that they were the ones who were going to have to change their family’s status by moving to America. It was the generation where gender roles were more prominent than ever. It was the generation that worked their butts off to get where they are today. So, if you’re a first generation kid in the good ol’ USA, then good luck getting the natural freedoms that your non-Asian friends have every day. Our parents believe success comes with more work and little to no play.

It’s not that our parents are tyrants, they’re great! They’re only looking out for us. But in our cases, sometimes what we do is better done and not said. As long as we keep our social lives in the dark while continuing to be well rounded students by keeping up our GPAs, excelling in our extra curricular music ensembles, and killing our performance in sports; I think they’re fine with knowing the bare minimum.

I try to tell my parents as much as possible, but sometimes things seem so miniscule to me that I don’t let them know. Like the first time I walked to the park with my friends by myself, they found out a week later and grounded me because I didn’t tell them. I got grounded for going to the park-as a child. And don’t even get me started on grandparents. I love them, but we had to convince them that “The Addams Family”, where I have to stage kiss a boy, was just a three day choir concert because we didn’t want them to freak out if they even considered coming.

I’m not saying our lives are too secretive and scandalous to tell them anything, because they’re not. We can’t tell our parents that we want to  simply go on a date with someone because that’s so out of their realm. They never dated, they just admired from afar. As I type that out, I realize that sounds like they just stalked each other, but I promise there’s more to it.

Their parents were even more strict and uncomfortable with social lives than they are now. I’ve learned from experience. Waiting to tell my parents about something they’d be bewildered by about two months after it happens is the best possible method. In hindsight, what I’ve done just doesn’t seem so bad to them.

We live in different cultures, different dimensions, and as long as we live under their roofs, we live under their rules and disclose as little information as possible.